Hello readers 😊! Today is a very special
day for me. It’s my father’s birthday. I don’t remember I ever did anything
special for him, so here I take my chance. ‘BABA’ this is for you…
The connection a
man has with his father shapes his life. That is why every adult son must
choose how the relationship will or won’t define him.
As I was growing
up I didn’t exactly see eye to eye with my father. As every now and then I
thought our conversation would end up in an argument. Today, I am 20 years old
and I have an open friendship with my father. But for the most of the life, we
two were at odds.
When I was a
child I had a trouble in learning the ABC’s. It was already bad and one day
when my father started to tech me, I was not able to answer his questions it
got worse. He slapped me. It seemed like he didn’t care who I was inside. I was
too young to think about this situation practically at that time. I simply
thought my dad is cruel.
My situation may not be an
extreme case, but its general contours are typical in sometimes rocky path
travelled by men and their fathers. Psychologists who specialize in the area
agree that the father-son relationship is one of the most complex in a man’s
life and that it’s a relationship that can affect all others.
Unmet expectations on both sides
can leave fathers withdrawn and sons exasperated. But even when there’s no open
warfare, many men long for a deeper friendship with the men who raised them.
Building that kind of rapport can be hard work, but the rewards are
commensurate with the effort. This rocky path can be cleared out at the early
stages of life.
What happens is beginning in
their early teens, boys begin to differentiate themselves from their fathers,
often by openly rebelling against the home rules. As painful as it is for both
of them, their adolescent mutiny is an important part of boy’s development. The
son is building his own identity he need to find his own way in the world.
In many families, however, this
natural stage turns into a lifelong disconnect. Some father can’t handle the
transformation of their son from a darling child to a snarling teen. That’s why
they try to fight back. Either by restricting the son’s activities or by insulting
him on his strange behaviour. (normal for rest of the world but strange for the
father). And when a time comes when they realize that their efforts are futile
they simply retreat from the relationship.
And the reason for all this
mishap is that, whether by nature or nurture fathers are less open than mother
about their feelings and emotions. Basically, men are not overflowing with all
kinds of words and emotions unlike women. This reticence can deepen the divide
between the fathers and sons.
Becoming a
parent is bound to change a man’s view of his own parents, says Chethik. “When
we become father, we realize that our fathers may have messed up, but we are
messing up too,” he says, “so we begin to think of them as a human.” Even if
you don’t have a child of your own we need to understand that our father is a
man not God and this can be a critical first step in building the relationship.
We always think of our father being perfect in whatever he does. Trust me he
never will be perfect. No one can actually.
The powerful
tool for improving the father-son relationship is forgiveness. There are times
when you are annoyed with your father’s bitterness. Don’t grieve about it.
Instead go and apologize for your mistakes to him. Surely you would be relived
off the burden and your relation will start blooming like blossoms in spring.
Forgiveness changes us physically and emotionally. It floods our body with
fresh energy and positive thoughts.
I face many
situations in my life where I don’t like the rules enforced by my father. The
most unnecessary rule which I consider is the returning home around 7. I use to
think my father don’t trust me. I was annoyed of following this rule because I
wasn’t able to give time to my friends. But then one day when I thought this
through I realized, in spite of being my father and even being the rock of our
house, he worries a lot from his heart. He actually cares but he won’t show it.
Here were I think fathers go wrong. They should express whatever they feel and
put forward their thoughts and also explain their theory behind all those rules
they try to enforce on their children. This will surely make a difference.
For most men,
earning their father’s acceptance and respect as a profound effect on their
image. It feels really good to hear “I am proud of you” coming out from a
father and these words cannot be duplicated and clears away any wreckage in the
relationship.
Every boy, in
his journey to become a man, takes an arrow in the centre of his heart, in the
place of his strength. Because the wound is rarely discussed and even more
rarely healed, every man carries a wound. And the wound is nearly always given
by his father. – John Eldredge, Wild at Heart. The wound described by
John Eldredge is handed down generation after generation. Most of the times if
a son shares a troubled relationship with his father, this would affect his
relationship with his son too. And the pain and suffering which has occurred
will be carried forward generation after generation.
Men learn they are men by
having their father around. They try to ack like their father because they
consider him like a role model. All the competency, bravery, strength,
intelligence he observes and acquires from his father. Under the best of
circumstances, this happens through male bonding and adventure, through
affectionate and approving gestures, and through a variety of attendant verbal
and nonverbal "you've got what it takes," "nice shot!" and
"atta boy!" messages. In this way, fathers bestow a growing sense of
adult masculine identity onto their sons. But when this doesn't happen, or when
a father instead reflects a surfeit of criticism, disdain, disappointment or
ambivalence for his son, the son never fully matures. Instead, he lives with a
private fear that he is not really an acceptable or worthy man.
Most of all
don’t forget the efforts he puts every day to provide you a better living. He
has always provided you with more than you have ever expected. Always respect
your father and if you are not that attached to him, after reading this article
please try to talk to him and share your experience with me.
And if you find
this article and my blog appealing, the credit goes to my father. Thank you for
supporting me father, and on your special day I wish you a happy and a long
life.😊
Also like my facebook page A Convivial Mind @https://www.facebook.com/aconvivialmind/
for more interesting articles. :-)
