AM I PRIVILEGED? (Part 1)

I stay up just late enough until I am exhausted, that I can fall into my bed and sink into immediate slumber. Because I can’t stand lying in a bed in a dark room alone with just my thoughts for so many hours and hours. These thoughts make me feel alive. I doubt many things. I literally talk to myself. Oh! Yes, I do. Because sometimes I think I am the only who is willing to listen. Just as Stephen Covey says “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” That’s why I prefer talking to myself. Trust me! the conversations which you’ll have with yourself would be the most fascinating conversations ever. But there’s a catch. If you are spotted while having such loud conversations, you may definitely end up in an Ambulance headed towards a mental asylum.

So now you may ask, what do I really talk to myself? What are the topics? Well, you know the human mind is a very complex thing. Many questions pop up into my head. But I’ll tell you only about the things which make sense. Now, I may sound stupid but these are the thoughts which often come to my mind. 

               

The first question:

Who am I?

Now, this question makes me doubt about many things around me. I feel scared. The fact that one day our life is going to end, and we practically don’t have any solid idea about WHEN, WHERE or HOW? This makes me feel terrible. I doubt my existence. Am I here to complete my education, earn for a living, make a family and then die? Is that it? Is this really the purpose of one’s life? I thought over it, and finally came up with my idea about the existence. What I think is, this world is a big program of God almighty. He chose me and gave me a chance to be a part of his big game. And I don’t know why I shouldn’t be happy about it? God offered this chance to nearly billion sperms which could be at my place right now. But no! He chose me and I am here. I am his pawn and I act on the laws, which he put to govern this whole world. So, my job is to live my life on his rules and respect his decision of making me a part of his Big game. And by respecting his decision I mean, one shouldn’t end one’s life and plan an escape from this world regardless of God’s decision. I think that’s the reason why suicide is considered as the most dreadful crime. That’s why I think I AM PRIVILEGED to be a part of this big game of God almighty.

The second question:

What is my job here on Earth?

I know many educated personals have given their statements on this question. And the fact which amazes me all the time is, even though we know that we are going to die one day, we are still fighting for what we want. And by fighting I don’t mean working hard. Working hard is acceptable but getting things by destroying other people’s lives is a terrible thing to do. Why do we hurt people when we don’t even know we would live to see the things which we snatched from them. God created us in many different forms and gave us all a different life. But the work assigned to all of us is same. We are here to survive. As simple as that. But we humans, who are considered the most intelligent beings on earth started turning up against God’s will. We became greedy. Just like how Adam the first man ate the apple and got banished by God, the curse is carried forward to us. In the quest of earning more I think we somewhere lost our humanity. Everybody wants to rule the world. But despite of all these things going on in the world I think I AM PRIVILEGED to have sufficient resources in my life. Credit goes to my parents, friends, teachers and all the loved ones who make me feel contented and more Human. 

    

 The third question:

Am I good enough?

This one question makes me feel insecure all the time. Trust me! the feeling of insecurity is the worst feeling ever. Insecurity is worse than death, do you know why? Because death will kill you once but insecurity will kill you every day over and over again.  Insecurity at some point is good, because it makes you work harder and be successful and get over your anxiety. But being insecure every day might lead to some serious problems. Then I thought about getting away from my insecurity issues. I talked to myself and found some fascinating answers. Basically, insecurity is hypothetical, it does not have any existence. It’s all part of our imagination. We feel insecure when we start to forget who we really are. We forget about our strengths and start focusing on our weaknesses. The only thing which can make us feel less insecure is to believe in what you are capable of doing. God made us all even. Nobody is tricked by him. He blessed all of us with a special talent. But the fact is we don’t care about what we have, we are busy in snatching what others have. That’s human mentality. So, the best way to get rid of the insecurity is to invest more time in yourself and taking time to improve what we have. And here at this point of my life I think I AM PRIVILEGED to have a special and unique identity gifted by God and I try every day to improve it by all means. 

To be continued in Am I privileged? (Part 2)..

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